Learn to Crawl
by keem
Summary: Tidus contemplates mortality, and is brought back to reality by the infamous man in red.


**keem**: it's been aa year or so since i've bothered with yaoi ffx fanfiction like 'beautiful boy' and 'one man army'.this doesn't mean that despite my lack of writing, i'm still not incredibly fond ofit.. especiallythe auron/tidus pairing. so forgive any inconsistenciesplotwise, concerning the game; i haven't touched 10 in well over six months and i can't even remember the names of the magus sisters. (or did they have names, in the first place?) please, feed this dying author - reviews, constructive commentary, or flames are all welcomed and encouraged. with that said, enjoy!

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_"Would you be there for me, if I should fall? (Fall for you.)" _- Black Lab

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Tidus found himself standing on the fringes of the ocean, in knee-high length water on a hot summer afternoon. The clouds around him swirled in splashes of purples, oranges, and pinks, making his silhoutte a dark smear of paint against the sky. His head was tilted back, the salty wind beating against his weather-beaten face, making the tears at the corners of his eyes sting with the ferocity and purity of it all. He was weeping, silently captivated by the moment, by his future, and by all the falsities that had been torturing him his entire life.

_What is it like,_ he wondered. _To be real?_

It was here, with only the open seas to judge him, that the bravado left him completely, washed away by the tide. His usual cheerful demeanor and positive attitude, mingled with his growing leadership skills, had melted away into painfully bitter depression. Tidus opened his arms up, standing like a crooked cross in the surf. He quietly beckoned his father to come take him, right here, right now, so they could end this forever.

He was pulled out of his reverie by an ungraceful sloshing behind him. Someone grunted a few feet behind him, causing Tidus' arms to drop down at his sides. He tilted his head back, slightly, to acknowledge him.

"They've been looking for you," Auron said gruffy, looking very undignified with his ankles soaking wet. As he came forward, his footsteps were slow and sluggish and labored. This would amused Tidus normally, if he hadn't felt so lost. "We're leaving soon."

"She's ready?" Tidus said, using one hand to comb back the untamed locks of his sandy blond hair. Yuna had made the decision to come here to Besaid one last time before they went to make their final stand against Sin. She had told the others that she had wanted to tie up some loose ends, but in private with Tidus, she confided that she wanted to say goodbye to the others before she died. Tidus had clamped his hand down firmly on her shoulder and told her fiercely that she wasn't going to. Yuna had not been convinced.

"Are_you_ ready?" Auron responded, surprising the young blitzball player. The blonde-haired teenager arched one eyebrow as if to say, 'I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about', but then sighed in defeat when the great swordsman simply continued to eye him unblinkingly.

Tidus took a deep breath. "... Yes... No? Maybe?" Auron was still watching him, which left the other man mildly infuriated. Frustrated, he kicked up a spray of seawater in front of him. "What do you want me to say, Auron?" he asked finally, exasperated. "What do you want to hear?"

"I want for you to tell me the truth."

"... The truth?" Tidus said, and laughed. It was hollow, and completely devoid of humor. "The truth is I honestly don't know how I feel, Auron." He turned away dramatically, waking further out towards the ocean until he was sure the fishes were swimming into his pockets. "Am I ready? How can I make a decision based on something I have nothing to compare it to?" He slapped one hand across the water, making little ripples and waves. "Can I really take on something of this proportion? You told me yourself, Auron - Sin is my fucking DAD." Both hands grabbed a fistful of his own hair, pulling at them. Tidus had to grit his teeth from screaming. Suddenly, all the anger left him completely, leaving him drained. He turned his head slightly back at Auron, giving him a wobbly smile. "The truth is," he muttered, "is that all I can think about is how my old man would throw me on my ass when I was little and clock me good. If Sin is anything like the way it was back at home, we're fucked."

Tidus turned away again, angerily wiping at his face. Crying again! He was always such a crybaby. Why couldn't he keep his emotions under control? "I just don't know, Auron. Can I really do something like this? Will I even make it? Do I want to? It's not just the question of killing my dad.. it's about killing myself, too. What happens when all is said and done? What happens when Yevon is gone? Will I fade away into nothing as well? Will I become just a memory? Will I die, too..?"

Tidus felt a large hand clamp on his shoulder, startling him. Auron was above him, looking down into his watery eyes. Tidus tried to look away but Auron grabbed him and kept him averting his gaze. "Tidus," he said. "Breathe."

"I'm so scared," Tidus said, and he shuddered, letting his eyes gently close. "I don't want to fade away into oblivion, Auron. I don't want to be just another fairytale, a legend of a man that eventually even Yuna will forget really existed. I don't want to dissapear into anonymity." He choked on his own words, biting his lip. "I want to live, Auron. I want to be _real_."

He collapsed against the other man, who pulled him into an awkward embrace. These were hands of a seasoned killer; the hands of a man that were never meant to hold someone, or be gentle, or to scare away the demons. Yet still, they were strangely soothing. Tidus calmed, feeling suddenly very wistful.

"Thanks," he said, wiping away at the last of his tears. "I don't know what came over me." He started to untangle himself from Auron's strong grip, changed his mind, and smiled up wanly, like a sheepish child. "I think I'm all better now."

Auron nodded and finally let him go. The blonde-haired teenager took a deep breath and Auron turned away, wading back toward the shore. "Come. The others are waiting"

Tidus made a noise of agreement and sloshed forward to catch up with the warrior. One hand lashed out to seize Auron by the shoulder, gathering his attention. "Auron?"

He grunted. "Yes."

Tidus found himself once again staring up into the other man's gaunt, expressionless face. He smiled weakly, the edges of it teetering threateningly. "What's it like, to kiss someone who isn't real?"

Auron gave a slow smile. "I suppose," he murmured gruffly, catching Tidus by the chin. "It's a lot like kissing someone who's dead."  
And Tidus laughed, bright and alive and a little sad, before letting Auron's rough lips captivate his own.


End file.
